Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

I am an UNBELIEVABLY HUGE LOTR fan, though up untill a few hours ago, I had never seen the third movie. I bought it months ago, but never got around to watching it. And might I say– SO MANY FEELS.

ARGH. I screamed so much at the TV tonight, I’m afraid the neighbors think I was being murdered. My poor puppy, Lucy (I starting yelling that if she were a boy we should have named her Legolas, though I hadn’t seen any of the movies when we got her) was really scared every time I screamed. CUZ THERE WERE THAT MANY FEELS. agh. I am going to regret this post in the morning. But then I will watch the movie again, and suddenly I will not regret it at all.

BUT ANYWAY. I am done raving (for the most part). Now I am going to tell you what I thought of the movie! Despite the obvious agony I am in (THE FEELS), I actually loved the movie. A lot. Though it was by no means a happy movie. In fact, it was downright sad. At the coronation part near the end, I started clapping (and then couldn’t stop for the longest time) and smiling. I thought it would be over then, and leave me with a giddy, happy feeling like most movies (Narnia, Inkheart, etc) do. BUT NOOO-OOO-OOO, it just had to go on! I admit, at was adorable when Sam married the girl of his dreams, Rosie (SO CUTE!!!) And then, when Bilbo was going away with the elves, I wasn’t sad, cuz he was going to live with the elves for the rest of his life anyway, and the elves are really not that bad to be around. In fact, it could be downright awesome, considering how unbelievably hot most of them are. But then, when Gandalf announced he was leaving too, I was like NOOOOOOO!!!!! Gandalf is by no means my favorite character, but I don’t hate him either, he is just probably one of the few people in those movies who was not incredibly sexy. But I do like him, and I know the hobbits would miss him, so I was sad. And then when Frodo said he was leaving– I was like OH HELL NO. He spent the whole journey to Mordor wishing he were back in the Shire, remembering the Shire, longing for the Shire, doing it for the Shire. Then, after the bad guy gets the defeated and he finally gets to go back to the Shire, he decides it’s not interesting enough for him, and he goes to live with a bunch of elves he barely knows and his senile old uncle in a far away place he can never come back from. He might as well have just stabbed himself and committed suicide. It would have just had the same effect: going to a far away place he can never come back from. Actually, it would be better if he died, cuz then he could be with his all his friends once they died, too. BUT HE DIDN’T. HE’S GOING TO LIVE FOREVER. AND HES GOING TO GET TIRED OF BILBO EVENTUALLY. Though, I gotta admit, that smile at the end just about did me in.

Frodo is undeniably hot– I myself adore the long dark hair, bright eyes, pale skin look– even better if the hair is curly, like his is. And we were even treated to a shirtless Frodo in this movie!! Whoot! But still, his character was really beginning to annoy me. I know that his mind is supposed to be really strong, and that’s the only reason he wasn’t completely brainwashed and it all turned out all right in the end. Still. I hate how he never figures out how to fight for himself– always screaming for Aragorn or someone else. And what happens when Aragorn isn’t around, like in the battle with the Ringwraiths and the battle with the cave troll later? Frodo gets stabbed! Both times! Jeesh. He need to be a man. And when he believed Gollum and not Sam, who is so loyal and nice and brave and adorable and smart and courageous and would do nothing to hurt him? I was so mad at him for that!! I almost cried at the look on Sam’s face when Frodo told him to go home, and then went off with Gollum (that’s the very first picture if you scroll to the top of this post. POOR SAM!!). Also, in the end, Frodo even decided to keep the ring and almost ruined everything and killed everyone! Like I said, it all eventually turned out okay, but Frodo lost his finger because of it (Gollum bit it off). Serves him right… I’ve begun reading the first book, and I’ve heard Frodo is more brave and heroic in the books. I seriously hope so.

Also, Gollum? Seriously dude?! I love Gollum! In Two Towers, yes he is ugly as hell, but there were still parts when he would say or do things that made me go “awwwww!”. I felt bad for him, I thought his life was sad, and I thought he really wasn’t as evil as everyone thought he was! GOD I EVEN MADE A MUSIC VIDEO FOR HIM!!

and now, in this movie, he was SO EVIL!!!! not even cute at all! not even a little bit! just PURE EVIL! god. i hated him by the end of the movie.

But no movie can be so horrible if it has LEGOLAS in it!!!! Eeeek! Most of the blood-curdling screams that came from my house tonight where a result of his glorious face appearing on the screen. ITS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

Ah. Incredible. I don’t usually go for blondes, in fact, I downright hate most blondes, especially if they’re tan. No one likes a tan blonde. But I really do like the long hair (it’s the sort of thing I fantasize about late at night), and as I mentioned before, his face is something to behold. He is also funny, dramatic, compassionate, loyal, kind, brave, skilled, fast, agile, sexy, and pretty bad-ass with the longbow. Also, he is witty and sarcastic and parts, like when he says, “Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of Dwarves?” Fabulous!! Also, his bromance with Gimli the dwarf is simply adorable. I melted at the part where Gimli said right before the battle with the orcs in Mordor, “Never thought I’d die fighting side by side with an Elf.” And Legolas says:

And I screamed. FOR IT IS A BROMANCE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!! Also, you’ll notice how Legolas is one of the very few people in the movies that is NEVER tempted by the ring? Not even a little bit? CUZ HE IS BEYOND AMAZING!!

And, dear God, you would not BELIEVE the amount of sexy people in these movies! I mentioned that Gandalf wasn’t particularly sexy, and Gimli isn’t either, but still. Frodo is sexy, Pippin is adorable, Merry is hot, Aragorn is handsome in that rugged outdoorsy way (though my mom said he looks like Mr. Myers, and that just ruined the whole thing), Sam is cute in a cuddly fashion, and we all know how legit Legolas is. Faramir has much of the same unshaven, sexy look Aragorn has, just softer. Haldir is pretty awesome, too, and Grima would be strangely attractive if it were not for the white makeup they made him wear. As it is, he looks like a clown. A girly clown.

I could go on and on (like, even more than I already am). I could complain about all the parts they left out in the un-extended version that I have to watch on YouTube now (I must borrow the 5-hour version from Eric). I could tell you how much I love the romance between Aragorn and Arwen (who I’m going to be for Halloween). I could say how funny Gimli is, how happy the ending with Frodo waking up in Rivendell made me, how unbelievably epic the fight scenes where, or how legit it was when Legolas killed the oliophant. But I will bore you no longer. Instead, I go to make a music video of Sam, who has replaced Gollum as my Person Who Must Be Pitied And Made Videos Of. But before I do– if you are ever presented with a oppertunity to see this movie– God, any of the Lord of the Rings movies– DEFINATELY WATCH IT. Because, as I see it, deep down inside, we all love Lord of the Rings, whether you are a total geek about it like me, or you just simply enjoyed it. They are the movies of the century for a reason, and don’t you forget it.



One thought on “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

  1. […] been waiting to watch for a long time (the movie was The Return of the King, just so you know, and this post was a result of that night). Now, tonight, the same thing has happened; I have been left alone […]

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